072 – 10 Tips for Having Better Conversations [Spark Infinity]

Are you having trouble connecting with the world around you? Are you having drab and boring conversations? Do you wish you could connect more effortlessly with the people around you? Communication is one of the most crucial skills you can learn, and sad to say, formal education doesn’t do much to support you on that journey. In this installment of Spark Infinity Office Hours, David shares time-tested methods for having better conversations. Later, Jody joins David to unpack the conversation further. Download the PDF Transcript Sponsors: Productivity, Performance & Profits Blackbook: Get a free copy of the “Definitive Guide to Productivity for Artists and Entrepreneurs.” The Renegade Musician: David’s magnum opus on building an independent music career is here! Highlights: 00:17 – How this topic was chosen 01:14 – What’s the goal of this presentation? 01:29 – Set an intention for the conversation 02:41 – Introduce yourself 03:47 – Learn the FORM 06:43 – Do your homework 07:57 – Tune into WIIFM 08:46 – Ask more questions (and listen) 09:49 – Find common ground 11:02 – Learn something about everything 12:23 – Become a journalist 13:19 – Ask for what you want 15:37 – Be spontaneous and/or funny 16:15 – Additional resources 17:26 – Next steps 17:50 – Group discussion Transcript: David: We are talking about 10 ways to better conversation, which already sounds ridiculous, bad wording and all. This is something I just found out the other day. So YouTube literally tells you what it thinks your channel is about, what your audience is searching for, and the types of content it expects you to be creating. So it suggested 10 ways to better conversation. It's one of many topics it brought to the table for my channel. So yeah, the phrasing is awkward, but I like the topic, so I am running with it. And I do reject some of its suggestions because they're just kind of way out there. However, Spark Infinity is all about social media growth. So my thought process is if we can cater to the algorithm and give it what it's expecting, maybe we can improve our results. And we might as well do that and test it for ourselves to see if that's the case. Obviously in Spark Infinity, just for anybody new that might be coming along to watch this, we're focused on social media growth. So we are mostly going to be looking at how to interact with others online today. But much of what we'll cover can be brought out into the real world as well. What's the goal? What are we aiming for here? In an earlier presentation on what's the point of social media, we determined that establishing connections is one of the reasons to be using social media in the first place. So let's use these tips. Let's get better at having conversations that matter. Number one is set an intention. Many conversations suffer for lack of intention. If you don't know why you're calling someone in the first place, you're basically just hoping that something will magically happen. And yes, sometimes it does. I've had spontaneous conversations like that. But you will get better results if you know why you're contacting someone in the first place. So ask yourself, why am I contacting them? What am I going to talk to them about? What do I want to get out of the conversation? I don't want to put too fine a point on it. We don't want to overthink this. It's not about analysis paralysis, but take a moment, take a breath and think about these questions before contacting anyone. Examples. You might be contacting someone to congratulate them on their new book, to ask for a shout out, to assess the suitability or their suitability as a client. That would be like a pitching or quote calling example, to request help with a project, to invite them to an event. Those are just a few examples. So key lesson here is always set an intention, not an agenda for the conversation you're about to have. Agendas are for meetings. Intentions are for conversations. And this will help cut down on meandering conversations that don't go anywhere and increase your chances of having a conversation with desired results. Number two, introduce yourself. OK, so it's my observation that many millennials have found an odd, non sequitur way of communicating with each other. There's no hello. Oftentimes there's no my name is the classic Tai Lopez ad. Come to comes to mind before he even introduces himself or you even know what he's talking about. He just says something about knowledge while showing off a Lamborghini in the background. Well, thanks, Tai. But this non sequitur way of communicating is annoying and really doesn't work in reality. Generation Z or Generation Z is being raised on smart devices and is often clueless about interacting with the world around them. I am not criticizing Gen Z. I appreciate Gen Z, but we do need to pass some things on to them so that they can be better in the real world. So being a digital native has both pros and cons. Key lesson, unless you know the person you're talking to, briefly introduce yourself and keep it short. Name and title is often enough. And in some cases you don't even need the title. Never take it for granted that people know who you are or don't care enough to know. So make sure you're respecting yourself and others by introducing yourself. Number three, learn the form. When getting to know someone, it's important to lean on a tried and true framework so you don't run out of things to say. The form framework, F-O-R-M, is taught in virtually every networking organization. And as it demonstrates, and as you'll see, open ended questions allow for conversation to unfold in a natural, friendly manner. F stands for family. Here's an example of a question that is not going to work too well. Tell me about your family. What does everyone do? How old are they and what they like to do in their spare time? You're asking multiple layered questions. It's a little creepy that you're asking me so much up front. That question is no good. Here's one that works. Where are you from? It seems like an odd connection. How does that tie into family? Don't worry about it. Just ask, where are you from? It'll lead into all that. O stands for occupation. Try not to ask, what is your job role at the company and annual salary? People don't often like to talk about what their income is upon first meeting you. And you're asking a lot of specifics again, that might lead them to believe you're stalking them or something like that. Simply ask, what do you do? And people are free to answer that question however they want. One thing, by the way, I noticed this in Calgary a lot. People are preoccupied with that question. What do you do? So they can size you up, categorize you and decide whether you're worth interacting with, just putting that out there. Don't do that. R stands for recreation. Here's a couple of examples above what's not going to work too well. Hey, you're in great shape. What do you do? Swim? That's pretty creepy and pretty forward. Do you have any hobbies or anything? That sounds pretty uncertain. A lot of people don't have hobbies or passions that are ashamed to that they don't, so it's not a great question for R. What we do want to ask is what do you like to do in your spare time or off days? People usually can identify a thing or two, even if it's just sitting in the park or catching some sunrise that they are happy to talk about. And then M, M stands for message. I would say there isn't always a message to deliver, but oftentimes there is. Thing not to do unless the conversation is leading here. You're such a great conversationalist. You would do so great in my multi-level marketing company. Join me. I think we've all been approached. And if you're 25 and under and haven't been approached yet, trust me, you will. At some point, somebody is going to talk about a business opportunity and I'm not saying join. I'm not saying don't join. It's up to you. And some of those opportunities are pretty great. I learned a lot as a network marketer. However, this may really not be the time or place to, especially if you're just getting to know someone, drop a message like that, a better approach is it's been great chatting with you. Are you on Instagram nowadays? It seems people are far more likely to exchange their Instagram information before a phone number. Of course, if you're online, you may already be interacting on Instagram. So you might have a different message. So if the only thing you take away from today's entire discussion is forum, you will be miles ahead of mouse and having better conversations. Key lesson forum offers a solid foundation for the initial stages of getting to know anyone. Number four, do your homework. It's very easy to learn a few things about someone before contacting them. Especially if they've got an online presence, it takes five to 10 minutes, maybe 15 to 20 minutes on a bad day. We're not trying to creep on them. We're not trying to find about their life story or their personal info on Facebook or any of that. It's just learning a thing or two about the people you're about to talk to. But most people don't do this and it's gets to be really tacky and lazy. If you're pitching or trying to sell someone on an idea and let's face it, you're always selling yourself in every context, not knowing anything about them will negatively impact your conversion rates, and this is where it gets really bad is failing to learn about public figures and entrepreneurs before approaching them is generally in bad form. And don't be surprised if you get pushed back or aren't responded to. Here's the thing, right? I've got lots of content online. I've got books, I've got music. It doesn't take that long to learn about me,