03 - Gotama - Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse

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Chapter 3. Gotama

In the town of Savathi, every child knew the name of the exalted Buddha

and every house was prepared to fill the arms dish of Gotama's disciples, the silently begging ones.

Near the town was Gotama's favorite place to stay.

The Grove of Jetavana, which the rich merchant, a nathapindika,

an obedient worshipper of the exalted one, had given him and his people for a gift.

All tales and answers, which the two young ascetics had received in their search for Gotama's abode,

had pointed them towards this area, and arriving at Savathi in the very first house

before the door of which they stopped to beg, food has been offered to them, and they accepted the food.

And Siddhartha asked the woman who handed them the food,

we would like to know, oh charitable one, where the Buddha dwells, the most venerable one,

for we are two samanas from the forest, and have come to see him, the perfected one,

and to hear the teachings from his mouth.

Quote the woman, here you have truly come to the right place, you samanas from the forest.

You should know, in Jetavana, in the garden of Anathapindika, is where the exalted one dwells.

There you pill-grimshaw spend the night, for there is enough space for the innumerable

who flock here to hear the teachings from his mouth.

This made govinda happy, and full of joy he exclaimed,

well, so thus we have reached our destination, and our path has come to an end.

But tell us, oh mother of the pilgrims, do you know him, the Buddha?

Have you seen him with your own eyes?

Quote the woman, many times I have seen him, the exalted one,

on many days I have seen him walking through the alleys in silence,

wearing his yellow cloak, presenting his arm's dish in silence at the doors of the houses,

leaving with a filled dish.

Delightedly, govinda listened, and wanted to ask and hear much more,

but Siddhartha urged him to walk on.

They thanked and left, and hardly had to ask for directions,

for rather many pilgrims and monks as well from Gautama's community were on their way to the Jettavana,

and since they reached it at night, there were constant arrivals,

shouts and talk of those who sought shelter and got it.

The two samanas, accustomed to life in the forest,

found quickly and without making any noise a place to stay,

and rested there until the morning.

At sunrise, they saw with astonishment what a large crowd of believers and curious people had spent the night here.

On all paths of the marvellous grove, monks walked in yellow robes,

under the trees they sat here and there in deep contemplation,

or in a conversation about spiritual matters.

The shady gardens looked like a city full of people bustling like bees.

The majority of the monks went out with their arms dish to collect food in town for their lunch, the only meal of the day.

The Buddha himself, the enlightened one, was also in the habit of taking his walk to beg in the morning.

Siddhartha saw him, and he instantly recognised him as if a god had pointed him out to him.

He saw him, a simple man in a yellow robe bearing the arms dish in his hand, walking silently.

Look here, Siddhartha said quietly to Govinda, this one is the Buddha.

Attentively Govinda looked at the monk in the yellow robe,

who seemed to be in no way different from the hundreds of other monks.

And soon Govinda also realised this is the one, and they followed him, and observed him.

The Buddha went on his way modestly and deep in his thoughts.

His calm face was neither happy nor sad. It seemed to smile gently and inwardly.

With a hidden smile, quiet, calm, somewhat resembling a healthy child,

the Buddha walked, wore the robe, and placed his feet just as all of his monks did, according to a precise rule.

But his face and his walk, his quietly lowered glance, his quietly dangling hand,

and even every finger of his quietly dangling hand expressed peace, expressed perfection.

Did not search, did not imitate, breathed softly in an unwhithering calm, in an unwhithering light, an untouchable peace.

Thus Gotama walked toward the town to collect arms, and the two samanas recognised him solely by the perfection of his calm,

by the quietness of his appearance, in which there was no searching, no desire, no imitation, no effort to be seen, only light and peace.

Today we'll hear the teachings from his mouth, said Govinda.

Sadhatha did not answer. He felt little curiosity for the teachings. He did not believe that they would teach him anything new,

but he had just as Govinda had heard the contents of this Buddha's teachings again and again,

though these reports only represented second or third-hand information.

But attentively he looked at Gotama's head, his shoulders, his feet, his quietly dangling hand,

and it seemed to him as if every joint of every finger of this hand was of these teachings, spoke of, breathed of,

inhaled the fragrance of glistened of the truth.

This man, this Buddha, was truthful down to the gesture of his last finger. This man was holy.

Never before, Sadhatha had venerated a person so much, never before, he had loved a person as much as this one.

They both followed the Buddha until they reached the town, and then returned in silence, for they themselves intended to abstain from food on this day.

They saw Gotama returning, what he ate could not even have satisfied a bird's appetite, and they saw him retiring into the shade of the mango trees.

But in the evening, when the heat cooled down, and everyone in the camp started to bustle about and gathered around, they heard the Buddha teaching.

They heard his voice, and it was also perfected, was of perfect calmness, was full of peace.

Gotama taught the teachings of suffering, of the origin of suffering, of the way to relieve suffering.

Calmly and clearly, his quiet speech flowed on.

Suffering was life, full of suffering was the world, but salvation from suffering had been found, salvation was obtained by him who would walk the path of the Buddha.

With a soft yet firm voice, the exalted one spoke, taught the four main doctrines, taught the eightfold path.

Patiently he went the usual path of the teachings, of the examples, of the repetitions, brightly and quietly his voice hovered over the listeners, like a light, like a starry night.

When the Buddha, night had already fallen, ended his speech, many a pilgrim stepped forward and asked to be accepted into the community, sought refuge in the teachings.

And Gotama accepted them by saying, you have heard the teachings well, it has come to you well, thus join us and walk in holiness to put an end to all suffering.

Behold, then govinda, the shy one, also stepped forward and spoke.

I also take my refuge in the exalted one and his teachings, and he asked to be accepted into the community of the disciples and was accepted.

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Right afterwards, when the Buddha had retired for the night, Govinda turned to Siddhartha and spoke eagerly.

Siddhartha, it is not my place to scold you. We have both heard the exalted one and we have both perceived the teachings.

Govinda has heard the teachings he has taken refuge in it. But you, my honoured friend, don't you also want to walk the path of salvation?

Would you want to hesitate? Do you want to wait any longer?

Siddhartha awakened as if he had been asleep when he heard Govinda's words.

For a long time he looked into Govinda's face. Then he spoke quietly in a voice without mockery.

Govinda, my friend, now you have taken this step, now you have chosen this path.

Always or Govinda, you have been my friend. You have always walked one step behind me.

Often I have thought, won't Govinda for once also take a step by himself without me, out of his own soul?

Behold, now you have turned into a man and are choosing your path for yourself.

I wish that you would go it up to its end, oh my friend, that you shall find salvation.

Govinda, not completely understanding it yet, repeated his question in an impatient tone.

Speak up, I beg you, my dear. Tell me, since it could not be any other way that you also, my learned friend, will take your refuge with the exalted Buddha.

Siddhartha placed his hand on Govinda's shoulder.

You fail to hear my good wish for you or Govinda, I am repeating it. I wish that you would go this path up to its end, that you shall find salvation.

In this moment Govinda realized that his friend had left him and he started to weep.

Siddhartha exclaimed lamentingly. Siddhartha kindly spoke to him.

Don't forget, Govinda, that you are now one of the samanas of the Buddha.

You have renounced your home and your parents, renounced your birth and possessions, renounced your free will, renounced all friendship.

This is what the teachings require. This is what the exalted one wants. This is what you wanted for yourself.

Tomorrow or Govinda, I'll leave you.

For a long time the friends continued walking in the grove. For a long time they lay there and found no sleep.

And over and over again Govinda urged his friend, he should tell him why he would not want to seek refuge in God-tama's teachings.

What fault he would find in these teachings?

But Siddhartha turned him away every time and said, be content Govinda. Very good are the teachings of the exalted one. How could I find a fault in them?

Very early in the morning a follower of Buddha, one of his oldest monks, went through the garden and called all those to him who had as novices taken their refuge in the teachings, to dress them up in the yellow robe, and to instruct them in the first teachings and duties of their position.

Then Govinda broke loose, embraced once again his childhood friend, and left with the novices.

But Siddhartha walked through the grove, lost in thought.

Then he happened to meet Govinda, the exalted one, and when he greeted him with respect, and the Buddha's glance was so full of kindness and calm, the young man summoned his carriage and asked the venerable one for the permission to talk to him.

Silently the exalted one nodded his approval.

Quote Siddhartha

Yesterday, the exalted one, I had been privileged to hear your wondrous teachings.

Together with my friend I had come from afar, to hear your teachings.

And now my friend is going to stay with your people, he has taken his refuge with you.

But I will again start on my pilgrimage.

As you please, the venerable one spoke politely.

Two bold is my speech. Siddhartha continued, but I do not want to leave the exalted one without having honestly told him my thoughts.

Does it please the venerable one to listen to me for one moment longer?

Silently the Buddha nodded his approval.

Quote Siddhartha

One thing, almost venerable one, I have admired in your teaching most of all.

Everything in your teachings is perfectly clear, is proven.

You are presenting the world as a perfect chain, a chain which is never and nowhere broken,

an eternal chain, the links of which are causes and effects.

Never before this has been seen so clearly, never before this has been presented so irrefutably.

Truly the heart of every Brahman has to be stronger with love once he has seen the world through your teachings perfectly connected,

without gaps, clear as a crystal, not depending on chance, not depending on gods.

Whether it may be good or bad, whether living according to it would be suffering or joy, I do not wish to discuss.

Possibly this is not essential, but the uniformity of the world that everything which happens is connected,

that the great and the small things are all encompassed by the same forces of time,

by the same law of causes of coming into being and of dying.

This is what shines brightly out of your exalted teachings, oh perfected one.

But according to your very own teachings, this unity and necessary sequence of all things is nevertheless broken in one place through a small gap.

This world of unity is invaded by something alien, something new, something which had not been there before,

and which cannot be demonstrated and cannot be proven.

These are your teachings of overcoming the world, of salvation.

But with this small gap, with this small breach, the entire eternal and uniform law of the world is breaking apart again and becomes void.

Please forgive me for expressing the subjection.

Quietly, Gautama had listened to him, unmoved.

Now he spoke, the perfected one, with his kind, with his polite and clear voice.

You've heard the teachings, oh son of a Brahman, and good for you that you thought about it thus deeply.

You found a gap in it, an error. You should think about this further.

But be warned, O seeker of knowledge, of the thicket of opinions and of arguing about words.

There is nothing to opinions, they may be beautiful or ugly, smart or foolish.

Everyone can support them or discard them.

But the teachings you've heard from me are no opinion, and their goal is not to explain the world to those who seek knowledge.

They have a different goal, their goal is salvation from suffering.

This is what Gautama teaches, nothing else.

I wish that you, oh exalted one, would not be angry with me, said the young man.

I have not spoken to you like this to argue with you, to argue about words.

You are truly right, there is little to opinions.

But let me say this one more thing.

I have not doubted in you for a single moment.

I have not doubted for a single moment that you are Buddha.

That you have reached the goal, the highest goal towards which so many thousands of Brahmins and the sons of Brahmins are on their way.

You have found salvation from death.

It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path through thoughts, through meditation, through realizations, through enlightenment.

It has not come to you by means of teachings.

And, thus is my thought, oh exalted one, nobody will obtain salvation by means of teachings.

You will not be able to convey and say to anybody, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings, what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment.

The teachings of the Enlightened Buddha contain much.

It teaches many to live righteously, to avoid evil.

But there is one thing that these so clear, these so venerable teachings do not contain.

They do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one has experienced for himself.

He alone, among hundreds of thousands.

This is what I have thought and realized when I have heard the teachings.

This is why I am continuing my travels, not to seek other better teachings, for I know there are none.

But to depart from all teachings and all teachers, and to reach my goal by myself or to die.

But often I will think of this day, oh exalted one, and of this hour when my eyes beheld a holy man.

The Buddha's eyes quietly look to the ground.

Quietly, in perfect equanimity, his inscrutable face was smiling.

I wish, the venerable one spoke slowly, that your thoughts shall not be an error, that you shall reach the goal.

But tell me, have you seen the multitude of my samanas, my many brothers, who have taken refuge in the teachings?

And do you believe, oh stranger, oh samana, do you believe that it would be better for them to abandon the teachings and to return into the life of the world and of desires?

Far is such a thought from my mind, exclaimed Siddhartha.

I wish that they shall stay with the teachings, that they shall reach their goal.

It is not my place to judge another person's life.

Only for myself, for myself alone, I must decide, I must choose, I must refuse.

Salvation from the Self is what we samana search for, oh exalted one.

If I merely were one of your disciples, oh venerable one, I'd fear that it might happen to me that only seemingly, only deceptively, myself would be calmed and be redeemed.

But then in truth it would live on and grow.

For then I had replaced myself with the teachings, my duty to follow you, my love for you and the community of the monks.

With half of a smile, with an unwavering openness and kindness, Gautama looked into the stranger's eyes and bid him to leave with a hardly noticeable gesture.

You are wise, oh samana, the venerable one spoke.

You know how to talk wisely my friend, but be aware of too much wisdom.

The Buddha turned away, and his glance and half of a smile remained forever etched in Siddhartha's memory.

I have never before seen such a person glance and smile, sit and walk this way, he thought.

Truly I wish to be able to glance and smile, sit and walk this way too.

That's free, that's venerable, that's concealed, that's open, that's childlike and mysterious.

Truly only a person who has succeeded in reaching the innermost part of his self would glance and walk this way.

Well, so I also will seek to reach the innermost part of myself.

I saw a man, Siddhartha thought, a single man, before whom I would have to lower my glance.

I do not want to lower my glance before any other, not before any other.

No teachings will entice me anymore, since this man's teachings have not enticed me.

I am deprived by the Buddha, thought Siddhartha, I am deprived, and even more he has given to me.

He has deprived me of my friend, the one who had believed in me, and now believes in him,

who had been my shadow and is now gotama's shadow, but he has given me Siddhartha, myself.

End of chapter 3

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