009 When it is time for Unrelenting Violence

When It’s Time for Unrelenting Violence   Aren’t we supposed to “turn the other cheek” or take down a bad guy with “just enough” force?   Isn’t teaching violence a “bad” thing to do?   As a Self Defense instructor I am put up against these types of philosophical questions daily. It’s a constant tightrope walk between what’s socially acceptable and the taboos of violence.   Unfortunately there is no escaping that there may come a time when one must channel violence to fight violence. This isn’t about war, or ”fighting” for peace with sticks and guns. I’m talking about that one situation that we all fear, the one that makes your stomach churn even thinking about it.   Imagine waking up with a shadow above your bed, and a gun to your head. An intruder is preparing to do unspeakable things to you and your family.   In such situations, we must forget socially acceptable norms and channel our inner violent monster.   Being as close to law enforcement as I am AND from teaching self defense to 100s of victims of violence, I have heard many stories of both victory and defeat.   One in particular comes to mind, and for the sake of privacy some minor details and names have been altered.   In LA a few years ago, a rapist and murderer was targeting women, first raping and then killing them, and local law enforcement were at a loss to find him.   One night, a woman in her 20s was jogging. At night. Alone. With headphones on. (Sigh… limiting your awareness like this is always a recipe for disaster.)   As she was jogging, someone came out of nowhere and slammed her her head against the wall, pinning her down with unrelenting force. He tore her clothes off as the blood ran down her head. In a daze, she had no clue what was happening. Until she did.   Luckily, she had a decent amount of self defense training behind her, and as that training kicked in, she fought back vehemently. The attacker slammed her to the ground and shoved his fingers into her mouth to shut her up. With the force of a pit bull, she clamped down. The attacker, shocked and paralyzed, took off running.   When the authorities finally showed up, she gave them his finger.   He is now in jail.      I have other stories, but they don’t have happy endings, so for now, let’s stick with this one.   See, there are two different types of encounters: social aggression and asocial violence.   I stole this idea from Tim Larkins new book, “When Violence is the Answer.” The book is a great read and a great incentive to understand and embody the monster we have deep within us — to summon him/her when the time is right.   Think Hulk.   Social aggression is the “Monkey Dance” as Rory Miller would describe. It’s a social status situation, just like when two guys at a bar pumping their chest, trying to be “bigger” than the other.   Usually there’s talking involved, posturing, and sometimes even flipping the bird.   The social cues start to escalate and a fight breaks loose.   OR maybe someone’s holding a knife to your throat, demanding all of your belongings.   These are, for the most part, social aggression situations that can settled in a non violent manner.   In fact, I would argue that 99.9% of social aggression situations can be avoided completely.   How? Simple. Use your head! Not your ego.   Walk away.   Don’t go to certain areas.   Don’t cause a stir by eyeballing people.   Use verbal Jujitsu and common sense to talk your way out of a fight.   Avoid violence at all costs.   Ready for another couple stories?   Two similar true stories with vastly different outcomes.   Story 1: There were two guys on a street corner. Cue the monkey dance routine. They were puffing out their chests and calling each other names. Guy #1 struck the opponent and caused him to fall to the cement. Guy #1 then kicked him in the head, neck, and back. His teeth were falling onto the sidewalk and blood was splattering everywhere. It was absolutely terrifying to watch. No one around was help